Monday, June 05, 2006

The Late, Great Insult to Injury...

It is with a heavy heart that I write of the deaths of four of Britain's best-loathed comedians. That they had reached as high as they could and fallen just short of the stars was not to be denied. That they were funny was.

Four lives: intersecting only through comedy, and, in certain cases, through sexual intercourse and the production of new humans. We lost them too soon. Just as we found them.

This appalling tragedy must throw doubt on the existence of a benevolent God, gently distributing lambs and ladybirds through pastures with a beardy smile. It must inevitably lead to images of a diabolical and cruel deity, who snaps the necks of swans for fun, and has been known to neck-rape the needy. "As penises to the wanton gods are we, they play with us for their sport."

Michael J Flexer, also known as "Michael Flexer", modelled himself on the popular character "Top Cat", also known as "Boss Cat" in England for copyright reasons. When he was brutally beaten to death by Officer J. Dibble on Saturday evening, we can only assume that he had refused a direct order from an overzealous officer of the peace. He is another victim of The War Against Terror (TWAT).

Rebecca "Bex" Moss grew ever more quiet and introverted after the birth of her son with a full set of teeth, and hair down to his navel. Friends say she began yowling at the mention of any one of a number of soft cheeses, and that she never rekindled her love of early modern archaeology. Still, archaeology's loss was hermitry's gain. She was found in a pool of her own spittle, the walls of her hovel covered in semi-literate poetry on Sunday morning by David Kelly's family. A spokesman for the family said: "What next? What fucking next?" before weeping like a badly-inserted catheter.

Timothy Butler-Garrett continued his puppetry after Insult to Injury went into hiatus, and soon became famous for his documentary film "Punch and Judi", in which he beat Dame Judi Dench around the head and neck with a flat stick, whilst Maggie Smith and Simon Callow slow-clapped in the background. Perhaps the fame was too much for him. Or maybe it was his habit of combining Afghan Black heroin with Calpol. We may never know.

Nathaniel Tapley was a fiction maintained by the American religious right to discredit both socialism and comedy. What appeared to be his flesh wasd a composite of wax and cobwebs, and his speech was synthesised from garbled Brasseye quotations, and prtentious moralising. Apparently caught in a rainstorm yesterday evening, he short-circuited at Redhill station, setting fire to an old woman with the shower of sparks from his back.

Thus passeth Insult to Injury. Let us spray...

Sunday, October 09, 2005

9th October 2005:

With immediate effect, this show will be known as ChevalburgerTM Insult to Injury. ChevalburgerTM is made from prime cuts of fresh beast, gently killed and moulded into quarter-pound patties. Ideal to eat on the hoof! It may not be the dog's bollocks, but it's certainly something's...

What makes ChevalburgerTM Insult to Injury so funny?

It's the horse of course!

See more at this month's Out of Vaudeville on Sunday, 16th October at The Sound Theatre, Leicester Square...

Sunday, August 08, 2004

Date change!

The aforementioned shows in The Courtyard theatre will now be happening on the 17th and 18th of the month, rather than the 18th and 19th.

On the 19th, however, Mr Nathaniel Tapley will be compering London's funnest short film evening, Motion, at The Others. You should probably go to that, too...

Tuesday, July 20, 2004

It's the Big Time, baby...

And, at last, there's finally no reason for any of you not to come: the central London dates we've been promising since the show began have finally arrived...
On August the 18th and 19th, Insult to Injury will be playing the Courtyard Theatre next to King's Cross ( Doors open at 8, and hilarity will ensue long into the night.
Just to reiterate: this venue is accessible by Tube. This venue is not above a scary snooker hall. This venue has confy seating, and a warm and special love for each of you...

Monday, July 12, 2004


Yes, we're taking to the High Seas.

Insult to Injury are performing at Britain's premiere floating talent show, 'Cheese and Crackers' on Thursday, July 15th.

The boat itself, the Battersea Barge, is located on Nine Elms Lane, SW8 5EP, behind the Fed Ex Building. The nearest Tube is Vauxhall, and things begin to kick off between 7:30 and 8:00, at which point, presumably, we begin to float.

Food and drink are accessible into the small hours, and, as this venue is actually on the Tube, we think you should all come, and vote for us to win. Oh yes...

Details of how to get there are here...

Wednesday, July 07, 2004

All change!

It's the time of which I know all of you have been peripatetic in anticipation. We're changing the flyers.

Which also means all the merchandise will be changing. So, any of you with nostalgic feelings about the shows we've done since last November should hie yourselves over to the shop, take advantage of the weakness of the dollar, and kit yourselves out.

I think you'd look sexy in it...

Tuesday, June 29, 2004

Double Your Pleasure, Double Your Fun

Yes, you can see Insult to Injury not once, but twice this month, making you twice as cool, and them twice as rich.

The first time is their regular monthly show in Stoke Newington, at the Others, which is as exciting and fun-filled as ever.

However, they will also be appearing in the boat-based talent show, Cheese and Crackers on the 15th of July (more details to come). It would be a really lovely way to express your affection if you were to come, bring your friends, and ensure that they go home winners of an obscure aquatic competition.

It would make all of us very happy, indeed...